Things To Do When You're On Crack 2
by Kevvy Talks
Summary: Dark Ichigo finds his King's stash. All results are censored from the eyes of the innocent. Read at your own risk.


**Things To Do When You're On Crack 2**  
**Characters/Pairings: Dark Ichigo**  
**Genre: Humor**  
**Rating: T**  
**Summary: Dark Ichigo finds his King's stash. All results are censored from the eyes of the innocent.**  
**Read at your own risk.**

* * *

**Rob a McDonalds  
**  
Shirosaki stood up from a nondescript booth in the corner of the fast-food restaurant and edged his way out into the open. To passerby, he appeared a common citizen ready to purchase a Big Mac. Well...not that common considering he was scaring the little children away.

He wore a dark trench-coat with the collar turned up to hide his face.

The one thing that stood out was his pale complexion, which caught the attention of those that had never seen an albino.

His ocher eyes scanned the crowd before he ripped the trench-coat away and withdrew a sawed-off shotgun.

"Everybody, get the fuck on the ground!" he howled. Everyone did just that.

He turned his attention to the pimple-faced teenager standing behind the cash register.

"You can have all the money!" he sobbed, throwing his arms in the air.

"Yeah. And while you're at it, gimme a pizza," Shirosaki ordered, holding the kid at gun-point. "Hanataro", as his nametag read, began to hyperventilate in the onsets of a panic attack.

"But we don't serve pizza here!" he wailed.

"Well, ya better find a way to make me a pizza or your next job is gonna be a glory-hole attendant!"

"WAAAAGH!" Hanataro nearly catapulted over the counter-top and began screaming over his shoulder at the chef to get a pizza ASAP.

"A-and what do you want to drink with that?" Hanataro stammered.

"Diet water," Shirosaki said decidedly.

For a moment, Hanataro gawked at him.

He looked about to protest, but then thought better of it and rushed back into the kitchen.

Some time later, Shirosaki received a pizza that appeared suspiciously like the ones from Little Caesars and a water bottle with "DIET WATER" written on it in sharpie.

The spiky-haired albino threw the bottle in Hanataro's face and flung the pizza onto the floor before stomping on it repetitively.

"I FUCKING HATE LITTLE CAESARS!" he howled. Shirosaki then proceeded to pull his pants down in front of onlooking mothers and their children and took a steaming crap on the pepperoni and cheese pizza.

**Teach a five-year-old how to be a pimp.  
**  
"See, you gotta keep your women in line," Shirosaki said, putting emphasis on the matter by making strangling motions with his hands.  
Yuichi Shibata just looked up at him, jaw hanging open.

**Make your PC go faster.  
**  
Shirosaki tried all manner of programs and expensive software, and even went as far as to hire technicians specially equipped for the job. In the end, he squandered a whole lot of money and had shit to show for his efforts.

Then, one day, out of the blue, Shirosaki got an idea. He knew how to make his PC go faster!

He hurled it out the window.

The giant hunk of machinery slammed down onto the asphalt below, sending glass and bits of metal flying everywhere.

Yuzu Kurosaki, who had been enjoying a stroll home from the convenient store, screamed hysterically after narrowly avoiding being hit by the piece of equipment.

Shirosaki was laughing his ass off the entire time.

**Light road flares on a birthday cake.  
**  
"Happy birthday teh me!" Shirosaki cackled. He tipped his chair forward and let loose in a long blow.

The road flares flickered, but didn't extinguish. He tried a few more fruitless efforts, blowing so hard the veins in his neck popped. Nada.

The flares were resilient and bright as ever.

"DAMN IT!" he screamed, and threw his cake across the room.

**Arrive late to school  
**  
Ochi's eyes bored into Shirosaki as he strode into the classroom with his hands buried in his pockets.

He sensed his teacher's furious glowering and addressed her with a bored look.

"My pet rock...it had a seizure," he said, and went over to sit at his desk.

**Go to Wal-Mart and look at posters of Justin Beiber  
**  
Shirosaki looked. "YAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Looked again. "YAAAAAAGH!"

Peopled stopped and stared at Shirosaki as he jerked his head away, then chanced another glance at the mega-sized poster.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" This went on for many minutes until the authorities came and dragged him away.

**Give your teacher a gift  
**  
Ochi rushed into her homeroom when she heard her female students screaming at the top of their lungs.

She expected something not worth putting up a fuss over, such as a spider. She had high hopes.

But she came to a screeching halt when she saw Shirosaki had lit a bag of shit on fire on her desk.

"Happy birthday, teach!" Shirosaki gave her a smug grin.

Some of the guys laughed, while the girls stared on in horror.

"SUSPENSION!"

**Play with fireworks  
**  
Shirosaki strapped Kon to a rocket laced with fireworks and sent him hurtling through the troposphere into orbit. The explosion could be seen from miles around.

**Dump your stash into the local water supply  
**  
The entire town went bat-shit insane.

"WELCOME TO MY WORLD, BITCHES!" Shirosaki howled, giggling feverishly as he and the front line of local residents bombarded the high school with molotovs, lighting it up sky high.

* * *

**A/N: Shirosaki has a very strong opinion of Little Caesars... 0.0**


End file.
